Five Things

Five things Jen learned the hard way about relationships...

1. When things are difficult, try a little perspective. Picture yourself in your friend's (or date's) shoes. There may be times when you need to give them a little grace.

2. Unrealistic expectations can be relationship-killers. Think about what you expect from a friendship or relationship, and ask yourself if those expectations are realistic. Is it realistic to expect your best friend to go everywhere with you? Is it realistic to expect your girlfriend will never talk to another guy? When you're upset about a relationship issue, try asking yourself if you have honest expectations about it. If you expect too much, try to be more down-to-earth in what you wish for. If your expectations are reasonable, it may be time to confront your friend or date with them.

3. Use your words for good, not evil. Don't gossip. (We know you know this.) Just don't do it. Remember there's another person's life, reputation and feelings at stake. Be the friend you wish you had. Keeping a rein on your tongue will also keep you out of trouble later on in life. (Unfortunately, the temptation to gab about somebody else's life doesn't get easier just because you get older!) And be a cheerleader. Ok, not that kind of cheerleader. Just keep in mind that your friends (and dates) need encouragement same as you do. You don't have to be Polly Positive in order to cheer your friends on, just let them know they're the best!

4. A little grace goes a long way. There's no need to tell the whole world your business, but even Jesus had close friends—and being close to people means you'll occasionally be vulnerable to being hurt by them. When something stings, ask yourself if your friend really meant what they said. If not, can you take one for the team? Jesus talked a lot about laying down your life for your brother, and forgiving little slights in the big picture of friendship can go a long way. If the slights are constant and you've got a sinking feeling about the friendship, though, it may be time to move on and find another confidant.

5. Trust your parents. (Please don't take away my street cred for saying this.) We know it sounds crazy, but your folks were once teenagers who had friendships, dated and struggled just like you do. It's not lame to go to your mom or dad for advice or even just a chat.