Take a good look: evaluating your friendships

by Kala Glass

Summer is here, and school is out! That means lazy days, summer jobs, and probably vacations for some of you. But it also means you won’t be seeing all of your friends every day. That separation doesn’t have to be a bad thing, though. Take the time apart as an opportunity to evaluate the relationships in your life. Take a good look at the people you spend most of your time with. Which relationships need to go deeper? Are there some unhealthy ones you need to let go of? Who builds you up in Christ? See the next page for some ideas of what to consider.

Your inner circle
Take an honest look at the people who are closest to you. Your best friends. It’s OK and even natural to have friends who are closer to you than others. Even Jesus did (James, Peter, and John). But the people who are closest to you should be those who build you up in Christ, challenge you in your faith, and seek to share godly wisdom and advice.

Why? The people who are the closest to you have the most influence in your life. If your closest friends don’t have a relationship with Christ, they don’t share all of your values. They don’t have the same goals you do. They don’t have the hope you have. It’s easy for their influence to pull you away from the closest, best relationship you could have with Christ.

Friends and acquaintances
You will have friends who are closer than others. You will have friends who are friends for a season and then move on. You can probably name off 10 people right now who are friends and acquaintances. You know them; you like them; you enjoy spending time with them, but they aren’t your inner circle. That’s OK. Consider these questions:
• Do you live an honest faith in front of them? We tend to think that our lives need to be seen as attractive, otherwise no one would want to be a Christian. We go around proclaiming, “See how happy I am with Jesus in my life? See how successful I am?” Christ is real, and the hope, strength, support, and power He gives is real. People need to see that in your life, when things are going well and most definitely when they are not.
• Who leaves you feeling depressed and negative? Some of your friends are complainers, pessimists, and always see the negatives in a situation. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be friends with them, but it might mean that you learn to limit or temper the time you spend with them. Yes, you should be that person’s friend and shine the hope and joy that only God can give into his or her life, but you shouldn’t allow that friend to rob you of your joy. Be aware of your friend’s negativity and think about ways to handle and deflect it beforehand.

Your circle of influence
Too often we establish friendships for the purpose of what we can get out of them. Fellowship with believers is important, but we should also look for ways that we can serve others. There are people moving around the periphery of your life or in the same circles as you whom you have the power and opportunity to influence. You’ve heard it said a million times, but you may be the only Jesus they see, the only Bible they read. Be aware of ways you could speak truth into their lives and make a commitment to do so.

Evaluation time
Make a list of all the people you would consider a friend or with whom you spend a significant amount of time. Think about why you are friends with each person, how you met, and what you do during your time together. Examine these relationships and what influence they may have on your life. How many of these relationships exist purely for selfish purposes? Are there any relationships that you are in for the sake of serving the other person rather than yourself?

Be aware of the influences that surround you. You can’t always control the crowd you find yourself among, but you are responsible for not letting their influence control you. It is important to find the balance of being in the world but not of it. Take the time to evaluate your relationships and make it a priority to glorify God in every relationship.

© 2009 LifeWay Christian Resources
Kala Glass, "Take a good look: Evaluating your friendships," ec magazine, June 2009, LifeWay Christian Resources: Nashville, 2009, pp. 58-59.