What to do (and what not to do) when you're mad at your parents

You can’t get along with everyone all of the time. That truth definitely extends to your parents. You live in the same house, share the same genes, and know the best ways to push each other’s buttons. But how do you deal with your parents when you argue? We’ve got a few ideas.

Remember whom you’re talking to.
Your parents are human. They do and say things they shouldn’t; they make mistakes. But even in the middle of a heated argument, your mom is still your mom and your dad is still your dad. And as a believer, you’re called to respect your parents and treat them as you’d like to be treated. So before you throw out that sarcastic remark, remember whom you’re talking to and treat your parents with the respect they deserve!

Figure out why you get so mad.
Make a list of the things you and your parents argue about most. When you’re finished, look it over and figure out what makes you so angry in those situations. Is it because your parents flat out disagree with you or that they won’t at least see your point of view? When you know why you’re angry, you can take steps to avoid arguments or even solve the problem.

Don’t let anger do the talking.
When you’re angry, it’s easy to let the emotion take control and say and do things you wish you hadn’t. That’s especially disastrous when the person at the receiving end of your anger is your mom or dad. When you feel anger taking control, take a deep breath and refrain from talking. Count to . Pray about your attitude and ask for wisdom. If emotions are running high on all sides, it may be best to table the conversation and return to it when cooler heads can prevail.

Compromise.
You’re not always right, and neither are your parents. Usually both of you have to give a little to end a disagreement or solve the problem you’re facing. Suggest a compromise and set the example for your parents.

Listen!
This one is true for any disagreement or relationship. Listen when your parents talk. Even if it makes you mad, keep your ears and mind open. Try to see things from the other person's point of view; don't spend all the time your mom or dad is talking thinking about what you're going to say next. That means you're not listening, you're not trying to solve the problem, and proves that you're being selfish and want your way at all costs.

Don't interrupt.
Don’t interrupt or offer explanations when your parents are talking. Just listen! This one is particularly annoying to parents. Interrupting can be disrespectful, especially since it doesn't allow the person you've interrupted to get his or her point across. Your parents deserve that right. That doesn't mean you can't say anything. It just means that you need to let your mom and dad make their points without comment from you, and when the time is right explain your point of view. But do so respectfully and with a focus on reaching an agreement or resolving the conflict.

Want to shock your parents?

Dear Readers,

Emily here. As I was reading my trusty copy of February's ec, I came across the article "What I Wish You Knew: A parent's prayer." If you haven't read those two letters yet (on pages 16-18), you should! And that article got me thinking . . .

I know that some of you may not speak much at all with your parents. And when you do, it's probably more about what time you have to be at practice, how much homework you have, who was a jerk to you that day, and what you want for supper. Even for those of you who do communicate well and frequently with your parents, I believe the permanence of what I'm about to suggest will be appreciated by your mom and dad. So here goes.

Write your parents a letter. Take some time to share your feelings. You can write one letter to each parent or write one to them both. We'll even give you permission to rip off the name of our article and title your letter "What I Wish You Knew." Tell them why you're thankful for them, ask them for forgiveness for something you've done, explain your actions in a situation that they misunderstood, tell them you love them and why—all those things that you wish you were better at/more frequent in saying. You don't have to mail it or hand-write it with a fountain pen. You should just leave it where they can find it (like on their bed, on top of their Bible(s), propped up against the coffee pot, etc.).

If you're like me, you get your feelings and thoughts out better when you write (or type) them. (And if you're not a word person, then your letter will be all-the-more appreciated by your parents!) But here's a tip from a person who writes and edits for a living: once you've written your letter, leave it alone for a few hours (I call this "letting it 'marinate.'") Then come back to it and edit it if necessary.

This is an opportunity for you to say those things you need to say in a form that your parents can keep and pull out when they need reminding of what a good son or daughter you are and how blessed they are to be your parents. And we think you just might enjoy the new level of understanding between you and your parents that could result from you taking the time to write them a letter.

Let us know how it goes by leaving a comment!