Surviving Valentine’s Day (Without setting sail on a sea of self-pity)

By ec staff and friends

Love. Love. Love.
That’s what Valentine’s Day is all about, right?
Well, yes and no. Valentine’s Day is certainly about love, but all too often we make it into this super holiday on which you prove your adoration and love for that special someone. Here at ec, though, we say Valentine’s Day has less to do with dating and more to do with celebrating the relationships in your life—dating, family, or friendship. So take time this month to just celebrate the special people in your life. Laugh, hang out, watch movies, give gifts, talk, or whatever.

And, you know, if you need some ideas to fuel your conversations or to help you get Valentine’s Day in perspective (having a boyfriend or girlfriend is not the
end-all-be-all!), why not try out a few of our ideas? You know you want to!

Dating Horror Story
“Once, in high school, I had struck up a relationship with a girl I met at church camp. She was from a town around an hour and a half from where I lived. Over the course of the camp, we became pretty cozy, and then continued to keep in touch through phone calls and letters (pre-e-mail! and this was like 1998). We decided that we should go on a date, so we made plans to meet halfway. I convinced a buddy to ride with me so I wasn’t driving by myself. When we got to the supposed meeting spot—she was nowhere to be found. She bailed. Completely. So I called her using a payphone at the restaurant (pre-cell phone! Again, 1998!). She said something came up, but that we were more than welcome to drive the rest of the way to her town so we could hang out. At this point my buddy and I were committed to the cause, so we thought, why not? We drove the rest of the way, and spent the evening sitting in her living room with her and her parents, talking about her ex-boyfriend whom she was going to be getting back together with. It was so terrifying and awkward and unfamiliar—and it made it worse that my buddy was enjoying every moment because of how tense the situation was. There are so many morals to this story . . . the least of which is that camp romances shouldn’t be encouraged!

Oh, and things didn’t work out with her ex-boyfriend, at which point we began calling/writing again. And it lasted about two weeks before we had a ridiculously odd argument in which she went on a tirade about how much she disliked the television show ‘Seinfeld.’ I’m a fairly passive fellow, but I found it unacceptable for her to dislike and have such a strong opinion against a show that I loved dearly. So I broke it off, telling her ‘I can never be with someone who doesn’t appreciate “Seinfeld” the way I do.’ True story.”
—Justin McCord, ec writer, Plano, Texas

Fun hang-out ideas that won’t break the bank
• Surprise your date or your best friends with a twist on the dinner-and-a-movie idea. Take your laptop (fully charged) or load your TV and DVD player into the car and go somewhere that’s not, well, expected—like a park or a marina or if it’s cold, somewhere heated. Bonus points if there are electrical outlets. The change of location will allow you to enjoy the movie away from the usual venues. Don’t forget to bring snacks!
• Unless you’re old enough to be seriously thinking about marriage, it’s probably best to do group dates. Chansin Bird, ec’s intern, says, “My friends’ favorite excuse for hanging out is to have a game night. We go to one person’s house, snack on junk food, and play games like Apples to Apples, Taboo, or Cranium.” Try it. It might be fun!
• Host a dinner on Valentine’s Day. Sure, sounds like the same old story, right? Well, not what we have in mind. This isn’t just for you and that special someone. It’s for ­everyone you love. Invite your parents, friends, family, and so forth. Make an effort to serve them and let them know how much you appreciate their presence in your life. As a good friend of ec, Buddy Norris, says, “Enjoy your friends and spend quality time with them. Don’t focus on singlehood and don’t mope. God’s got a plan and has perfect timing in your life—who comes into it and when and where. Enjoy the journey and make the most of each day!”

Dating Horror Story
“When I was a junior in high school, I had major reconstructive jaw surgery which left me wired shut for most of the school year due to a few complications. But that didn’t stop me from asking out the pretty new girl I had a crush on. I had to write it down, but I still asked her! I had an old ’69 VW Beetle, and it was the dead of winter. The night I went to pick her up was a record low-temperature night. (It was around 7 degrees.) I got to her house and mumbled to her parents through my wires. Then, we got in the car, and I wrapped her in a blanket since my car had no heat. We went to Taco Bell, and I had to slurp refried beans through a big straw while she ate real food. We saw a movie that wasn’t that good. Then, on the way home from our quiet (not a lot of talking) date, my car started acting up due to the cold, cold, coldness. It was spitting and backfiring all down her street. I was embarrassed, but we laughed a lot. To this day she still remembers it fondly as a good time.”
—Buddy Norris, Nashville, Tenn.
(The moral of this story: sometimes the things that seem mortifying at the time really aren’t quite that bad!)

The greatest love story ever told
While it’s really easy to get wrapped up in all the fuss the world makes about Valentine’s Day. It’s easy to start finding your identity in that special someone or being entirely consumed by the fact that you aren’t dating anyone. But here’s the truth: the greatest love you’ll ever know is the love that God has for you. He knows everything about you and still loves you. And there are a few things you need to understand about God's love. Ready? Here we go:
• God's love is the only kind that will make you whole. We're all made with a longing for something more, and we try to fill that with other people, activities, interests, relationships—but the only thing that lasts is God . You can't find wholeness in someone else; only the everlasting love of the living God makes you whole and fills that hole in your life.
• Don't confuse the world's kind of love with God's. Think about the way you love God. Sure, it seems boundless, but when you think about it, we all sometimes dole out our love with qualifications and limitations. We expect something back. We give love and take it away as we please. God isn't that way. His love is constant and unchanging, just like He is. His love is patient and kind and waits for us, yearns for us, changes us. When we truly recognize that kind of love, it changes the way we love other people. Focus on that kind of love this year and make an effort to share it with the people you love!

© 2008 LifeWay Christian Resources
"Surviving Valentine's Day," ec magazine, LifeWay Christian Resources: Nashville, 2008, p. 6-7.