How to help the new kid

When the bell rings and classes begin this fall, there's sure to be a few new students at the school. We've got some ideas for how you can reach out to them and help make a difficult transition a tiny bit easier.

If you meet the new kid…

1. Invite him or her to eat with you. The most ­awkward time for a new student is lunch. Lunch can be quite lonely for him or her, since everyone tends to eat in their established groups and it’s hard for a new student to figure out how to break in. Simply inviting the new kid to eat with you can make all the difference in his or her day.

2. Introduce yourself. “Hi, my name is __________. What’s yours?” These few words can go a long way for someone who is longing to be known.

3. Pay him or her a compliment. “Nice shoes” or “I like your glasses” may not seem like a big deal, but ­compliments are a sure-fire way to make someone feel accepted and noticed.

4. Offer to help. Does someone look lost? Point him or her in the right direction. Ask if he or she is going your way to his or her next class and walk with that person. If you learn that the two of you share an interest, invite him or her to your practice or club meeting.

5. Ask about his or her old school. A student who has just changed schools is experiencing a major adjustment. He or she is most likely missing old friends and des­perately wanting someone to talk to about it. Giving a new student a chance to share stories about the past eases the ­transition for him or her.
Plan a group outing and invite the new kid. Even if you and the new kid don’t become best friends, he or she may hit it off with someone else in your group. It’s an easy act of reaching out that could be a lifeline for someone who is lonely.

If you've been at the same school for awhile, don’t just assume someone else will reach out. Getting out of your comfort zone a little can make a huge impact on someone else's life.

And if you’re the new kid? Take a deep breath, and remember that your new school is just an opportunity—for meeting new people, for trying new things, and for finding your niche. 

Adapted from Gretchen Williams, "Starting Over," ec magazine, August 2010, p. 6-7.

What to do if you're the new kid

School is back in session for most of you. And we know that nothing is quite as terrifying as being the new kid. So if you're new to your school, we've got some helpful tips to get you through those first few awkward days.

If you are the new kid….

Ask questions. If you are new on campus, you will have a lot of questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for ­directions or about school rules. Knowing you don’t have all the answers shows maturity, and it makes others feel good to be an “expert.”

Find common ground. Friendships often begin by sharing something in common with another person. It could be as simple as sitting next to them every day ­during third period or having a passion for skateboarding or ­photography.

Join a club or team. Check out the clubs that are available at your new school. Is there a sport that you were involved in at your old school, or would you like to try ­auditioning for the school play? Sure, you don’t know anyone there yet, but after the first practice, you will.

Attend school events. So you may not be a “school spirit” kind of person, but school events are a great way to feel like a part of your community. Even if you show up with a sibling or a parent, you may run into other students and feel more a part of things. Pay attention to morning announcements so you know what’s going on each week.

Avoid negative self-talk. Our thoughts have a lot of power to influence our emotions and behavior, for good or bad. See if you are getting caught up in these negative thought patterns:
Put-downs: “I’m not as pretty as those other girls.”
Overgeneralizing: “I’ll never make any friends.”
Mind-reading: “They think I’m weird.”

The more you believe these negative thoughts, the less confidence you will have, and the harder it will be to attract others to you. Try focusing on the positive. For instance, can you name three things you like about yourself?

Remember that you’re not alone. You may think you are alone, but you aren’t. There is someone out there who likes what you like—be it basketball or beatboxing, poetry or video games.
Just give it some time.